How to Help a Loved One
You can’t make someone get help. You can make it much more likely. Here’s what actually works, from the people who take these calls every day.
Accredited by The Joint CommissionLegitScript certified4.9 stars from 150+ Google reviewsIn-network with Harvard Pilgrim & Tufts (Point32Health)Start by taking care of yourself
This sounds backwards when someone else is in crisis, but it’s the foundation. Fear and exhaustion lead to ultimatums, lectures, and rescues that don’t work. Sleep, eat, talk to someone you trust, and consider support groups for families. You will be more effective from a steadier place.
Learn what you’re dealing with
Addiction and mental illness are medical conditions, not character flaws or choices. That framing isn’t just kinder; it’s more accurate, and it changes what you say. “You’re being selfish” invites a fight. “I think you’re sick and I want to help you get better” invites a conversation.
Pick the moment, and the words
- Choose a calm, sober moment, not the middle of a crisis or an argument.
- Use “I” statements. “I’m scared when you don’t come home” lands differently than “You never come home.”
- Be specific. Name what you’ve seen. Vague concern is easy to dismiss.
- Offer a concrete next step. “Will you call this number with me?” is easier to say yes to than “Will you get help?”
- Expect resistance and don’t take the bait. You’re planting a seed, not winning a debate.
Boundaries are not punishment
A boundary is a statement about what you will do, not a threat about what they must do. “I won’t give you money, but I’ll drive you to an assessment any time” is a boundary. Boundaries protect you and, over time, remove the cushions that make it possible to keep going without change. Hold them consistently and without anger.
When they say no
Most people say no the first time. Keep the door open, keep your boundaries, and keep talking to us. A structured, compassionate intervention can help when informal conversations have stalled. And if there’s immediate danger, call 911 or go to an emergency room; safety comes first.
Call us before you talk to them. Our admissions team speaks with families every day. We’ll help you understand the options, check insurance in advance, and plan a conversation that has the best chance of working. (781) 570-5781, confidential and free.
Frequently asked questions
Can I get someone into treatment against their will?
In Massachusetts, involuntary commitment for substance use (Section 35) exists but is a serious legal step with real limits. In most cases, a well-planned conversation or intervention is more effective and far less damaging to the relationship. Call us to talk it through.
Should I stop supporting them financially?
Money that funds the problem usually should stop. Support that funds the solution, such as treatment, transportation to appointments, or a safe place to sleep, is different. We can help you tell the two apart.
Is it my fault?
No. You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it. What you can do is influence it, and that’s what these steps are about.
Let’s plan the next conversation together
Call us any time for a confidential conversation. We’ll answer your questions, check your insurance at no cost, and help you decide whether Forrest is the right fit — no pressure.